An older woman can wear any hat she chooses and nobody will laugh.
A younger woman wearing the same hat will always look like a lampshade in a brothel.
An older woman will never wake you up in the middle of the night & ask you, "What are you thinking?" An older woman doesn't care what you think.
An older woman always carries a purse full of emergency supplies. Young women go hungry and bleed to death every time there's a natural disaster.
An older woman always carries a condom in her purse. A younger woman is still hoping the guy might have one on him.
An older woman is a cheaper date. A younger woman will cost you 12 beers, but an older woman will sleep with you after a cup of a herbal tea.
The older a woman gets, the stronger her libido gets and the older a man gets, the weaker his libido gets... which is why nature intended young guys to go out with older women and young women to go out with older men. (this one ain't always true - wink, wink )
An older woman can wear bright red lipstick during the day without looking like she just had an adventure inside a jam jar. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.
Older women can run faster because they're always wearing sensible shoes. An older woman is into free sex! An older woman is almost always already attached to someone, so there's no need to develop a phobia about committing to her. The last thing she needs in her life is another clingy, whiny, dependent lover! (child)
Older women are more honest. An older woman will tell you that you are an asshole if you're acting like one. A young woman will say nothing, just in case it means you might break up with her.
An older woman puts herself on a pedestal. An older woman will never get pregnant and then suddenly demand that the two of you get married. In fact, if you impregnate an older woman, you will probably be the last to know...
Older women have jobs with dental plans. Younger women can't help you when your teeth get knocked out playing hockey.
An older woman will never accuse you of "using her." She's using you. Older women take charge of the situation. An older woman will call you up and ask you for a date. A younger woman will wait forever, by the phone, for you to call...
Older women know how to cook. Young women know how to dial Pizza Hut Take out.
An older woman will introduce you to all of her girlfriends. A younger woman will avoid her girlfriends when she's with you, in case you get any ideas...
Older women are psychic. You never have to confess to having an affair, because somehow they always know.
Older women often own an interesting collection of lingerie that they have acquired from admirers over the years. Young women often don't wear underpants at all, thus practically eliminating all possibility of a strip-tease.
Older women know what Kegel exercises are. An older woman will agree to go to McDonald's with you for a meal. Younger women are too nervous to eat anything in front of somebody that they might possibly boff later.
Older women are dignified. They are beyond having a screaming match with you in the middle of the night in a public park.
Older women are experienced. They understand that sometimes, after 12 beers, a boy just can't get it up. A younger woman may need some time to grasp this fact.
An older woman has lots of girlfriends... and most of them will want to boff you too.
An older woman will always meet the minimum height requirement to go on an amusement ride.
An older woman will never accuse you of stealing the best years of her youth because chances are someone else has stolen them first.
http://bertc.com/inpraise.htm
They doubt themselves now, but they're more interesting and lovelier than ever. They've had their adventures, they have stories to tell. They're knowing, wry, and speak in husky cigarette voices. They get my jokes. They're surprised that I'm not a close minded insecure prick like their ex husbands were. They tango, and foxtrot, and swing. I miss ballroom dancing. I had to stop though; I knew I'd get myself into trouble. Older women tell me I'm well read and mature for my age... they make me feel suave, sophisticated, just like they are. I don't get that from young women (Don't fret, young women, you have plenty going for you, and all I'm saying is the best might still be yet to come).Someone said men grow distinguished but women just grow old. I disagree. Women do too grow distinguished. Without the baldness and beer guts of my own graceless gender, might I add. Want to see distinguished? Look at Hillary Clinton, Susan Sarandon, and aaaaaw Carly Fiorina. Look at some of the managers at my day job, but be subtle. It's safer to look at the ladies at my night job, though. I can look at them all I want because I'm a desk clerk, and I'm supposed to smile, chat, and make eye contact. Paid to flirt. Heaven. Blurring the line between customer service and simply swooning at that fortysomething in a business suit with hot legs on her way back from some convention at the University. How confidently she clicks accross the floor! I wonder if she's got a PhD. Definitely at least a Masters. Cute, tiny, and fragile she might seem, but don't be fooled. She's given birth. She's been married and divorced, and maybe married again and divorced again. All while beating and clawing her way through one glass ceiling after another. Now she's standing atop one of the outermost ones, looking down. To the victor belong the spoils. I'd be more than happy to carry you to your room madam, if you wish. No trouble at all, we aim to please. I am completely, and utterly, at your disposal. If there is anything, anything at all you need, please don't hesitate to ask.
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